Date: 11 Jul 2021 - 04:22 am Title: Chapter One
It is advisable to do some proofreading before you submit your works, anyway this is definitely a great story and I hope that you will not stop on sharing such interesting topic in the future. Read this empires & allies guide and learn some tips from veteran players and become a great ally on this strategy game. I've been playing this game for a while and I really enjoyed all the challenges it have just like in the avabel online game
Date: 19 Mar 2013 - 04:58 pm Title: Chapter One
If I could give you one word of advice, it would be "PROOFREAD" before clicking on submit. Many technical errors throughout your work. 'people', being plural, means they 'were' not 'was', as an example from "An Unexpected Pastime" Both your postings were claimed to be your first published work, inconsistent don't'cha' think? Lots of potential for both stories; but in my opinion, both are simply introductions to stories which never develop a plotline.
Some folks may consider me a nit-picking critic, don't care. I see lots of potential, good imagination powers, and hope you continue writing and perfecting your artistry; and through that struggle, become the talent you have locked inside.
Thanks for the feedback. I'll be a bit more clear regarding which one was my first story. I first started writing Aaron's Punishment but An Unexpected Pastime was the first one that I posted to the site, primary because it was smaller.
You're correct in that they are both simply introductions. I usually plan out my stories before starting but in the case of these two, I attempted the opposite and mostly wrote whatever came to mind.
As for the spelling, I've done what I can to clean it up. I do proofread my work several times before posting however clearly I'm terrible at it. My brain seems to see what words they should be, rather then what's actually written. In future, I'll try to be more thorough though.