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Reviewer: thruholewizard Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 05 Jul 2016 - 05:49 am Title: Chapter One

a more insecure boy would not have put the suit on I think I would not have had the guts to try it on . I would be thinking what game granny was up to .


Reviewer: Princess pantyboy Signed [Report This]
Date: 24 Nov 2013 - 03:52 am Title: Chapter One

Thanks for sharing your story. I enjoyed it.

Hug
Princess panty boy


Reviewer: Snarfles Signed [Report This]
Date: 19 Mar 2013 - 04:58 pm Title: Chapter One

If I could give you one word of advice, it would be "PROOFREAD" before clicking on submit.  Many technical errors throughout your work.  'people', being plural, means they 'were' not 'was', as an example from "An Unexpected Pastime"    Both your postings were claimed to be your first published work,  inconsistent don't'cha' think?  Lots of potential for both stories; but in my opinion, both are simply introductions to stories which never develop a plotline.

Some folks may consider me a nit-picking critic, don't care.  I see lots of potential, good imagination powers, and hope you continue writing and perfecting your artistry; and through that struggle, become the talent you have locked inside.



Author's Response:

Thanks for the feedback. I'll be a bit more clear regarding which one was my first story. I first started writing Aaron's Punishment but An Unexpected Pastime was the first one that I posted to the site, primary because it was smaller.

You're correct in that they are both simply introductions. I usually plan out my stories before starting but in the case of these two, I attempted the opposite and mostly wrote whatever came to mind.

As for the spelling, I've done what I can to clean it up. I do proofread my work several times before posting however clearly I'm terrible at it. My brain seems to see what words they should be, rather then what's actually written. In future, I'll try to be more thorough though.


Reviewer: Stevensdave69 Signed [Report This]
Date: 01 Jan 2013 - 09:59 pm Title: Chapter One

Lived it :)


Reviewer: Amazon Beach Bunny Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11 Sep 2012 - 09:29 am Title: Chapter One

Cute story, great except a few typos, worth the read.

Deanna


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