Raised in SLC

Introduction and Chapter 1

By Penny Reed Cardon

As I was growing up, I did not understand the thoughts and feelings that I had.

Even if I had understood them,

I would not have been allowed to embrace my inner self.

  Today those childhood feelings have come together.

I now know whom I am and who I was meant to be.

Welcome to my world of

"Misty Water Colored Memories"

Mixed with fantasy, wishes, dreams, and the horror of what might have been.

Cast of Characters

FAMILY

Mom - Edith McNeil Covington

Long Black hair, short (5'2") but very attractive, great cook.

Dad - David Covington

Macho Ex-Marine works in the security dept for a large company.

Brother - Charles - Chuck

13 years old, black hair, tall & lean but strong, loves all sports, Dads' favorite

Sister - Karen

11 years old, black hair, brown eyes, a tomboy, hates anything girly or feminine.

Me - Matthias - Matt - (Matilda)

9 years old, curly Blonde hair, blue eyes, dumbo ears, small for age, very bright,

Sister - Rachael

8 years old, long brown hair, hazel eyes, always happy & giggly, totally feminine.

My Friend's

Sara, Molly, Julie, Mary Beth, & Kimberly

MY EARLY MEMORIES

I remember standing in front of a mirror, staring at myself.  With my short curly blond hair, blue eyes, and Dumbo's ears.  I was wearing a long pink dress (at least it was long on me) with puffy sleeves. Looking down at my feet (which I couldn't see in the mirror), I saw a pair of way too big brown penny loafers.  Did I dress myself or had someone else dressed me this way?  Some questions are never answered; some mysteries are never solved

KINDERGARTEN

I remember on the first day of school Mommy got me out of the car and we walked through the gate in the fence, and across the playground holding hands.  Mommy was so tall, but then everybody is tall when you are six but you look like you're only four.  We were talking as we walked, but we always talked when we were together and we were always together.

Mommy would usually get me up early each day and we would cook breakfast for the rest of the family (Rachael was too little to help then). Then Daddy would give Mommy and me a hug and kiss as he left for work. Then Karen gave us a hugs and kisses as she left for school, Chuck just grumbled "bye" as he would leave a few minutes after Karen. Chuck never walked with his sister; he was too macho to walk with a girl.  He would meet up with his friends and they would walk together, making fun of the girls they passed along the way.

Then it would be just Mommy, Rachael, and I. First, we would wash up the breakfast dishes, and then Mommy would help me with my bath. Sometimes Mommy would bathe Rachael at the same time.  Yes, I could take a bath by myself, but it was so much more fun when Mommy helped.  Then it was time to make the beds and do the laundry.  After the laundry was done, it would be time for lunch.  Then it would be our special time, just Mommy and me (that's when Rachael would take a nap).  Sometimes we would sit and read all afternoon, that is Mommy would read, I would sit in her lap and listen.  Sometimes we would sew; Mommy made her own dresses and all the curtains in the house, and lots of other things.  Sometimes we would go out shopping (but only after Rachael woke up).  But it was always Mommy and me, almost as if Rachael wasn't there.

On this particular day after lunch, Mommy took me to school.  It was really, fun, there were lots of other kids there and lots of new things to see and do.  There were four big round tables that each had six children sitting around them. There were three boys and three girls at each table except for the table where I was sitting.  There were more girls than there were boys, so I was the only boy with five girls.  Mary Beth sat on my right and Kimberley; we all called her Kimmie, on my left. Then there were Sara, Molly, and Julie. All the girls said I was cute and that we were all going to have so much fun together.  I didn't pay much attention to who was at the other tables, because the girls around my table were so nice and friendly.  Later I would pay for that lack of attention.

Mommy sat in the back of the room that day. She took me home after school and we talked for a long time about school and how I felt about going to school.

"Oh Mommy I really liked going to school today, it was lots of fun, and I had a really good time," I told her.

"Oh Matt I am glad that you liked going to school today, but I am kind of sad too." 

"But Mommy, how can you be glad and sad at the same time," I asked.

"I'm glad that you like going to school.  You are going to learn so many new and exciting things, make new friends, and have so much fun.  But I am sad too, because we won't be able to have our special afternoons together any more," Mom told me.

"But why not," I asked, starting to get sad as I realized what she had said. It was then that I started to sniffle and a tear escaped from the corner of my eye, running down my cheek, the first of many to follow.

"Because when you go to school, you go to school every day, just like Charles and Karen do.  They go to school all day, but because you're in Kindergarten you will only go in the afternoons," she was explaining.  I could not help myself as I started to cry.  Mommy just held me and gently rocked me until I stopped crying.

Thinking back, I wondered who was taking care of Rachael that afternoon.

The next day Mommy took me to school and walked me to class but she didn't stay in the back of the room as she did the day before.  I was very sad but Mary Beth and Kimmie both hugged me until I felt better. The other girls chipped in by telling some funny stories to help cheer me up.

Each day after that, Mommy would let me out of the car and I had to walk through the gate and across the playground by myself.  If she waited until I was in the building things were okay.  However, if she drove away before I was in the building, things were not so okay.  Because I was so small, it seemed that I always being picked on by some of the bigger kids.  There were usually some first or second grade kids hanging around the doors leading into the Kindergarten classrooms.  There must be a "strange attraction to small children" that brings out the worst in big kids and bullies.

I don't remember too much more about Kindergarten except that my best friends were Mary Beth and Kimmie.  While we were at school, we did everything together, we did our art projects together.  We learned our letters' and numbers together, and during recess, we played together.  I also remember that there was one boy; he was bigger than everyone else in the class.  His name was Bartholomew Roberts.  He hated his name and told everyone to call him Bart.  He was the class troublemaker and bully.  He was always getting into trouble, talking out of turn, making gross noises, and in general making it hard for the rest of us to listen.  He always made things difficult for the teachers.  During recess, he thought it was fun to push people around and it seemed that I was his favorite victim.  It wasn't long before he had earned the nickname - Black Bart.

***** Four years later *****

"KAREN," Rachael screamed, from the room that they shared.

Karen came running through the bedroom door "What's the matter . . ." she asked before she was completely in the room, expecting to find her sister hurt or something, judging from the volume and tone of her scream.

To her surprise, Rachael was standing beside her dresser with her hands on her hips wearing her bathrobe (having just taken her morning shower) and was she mad about something.

"Have you been going through my things again?" Rachael quickly asked.

Although relieved that her sister was not hurt, the tone and anger in Rachael's voice had Karen stunned for a Moment.  Karen finally said, "Of course not why would . . ."

"What's going on in here?"  Mom asked, as she rushed into the room to find out what all the commotion was.

"Mom, Karen has been going through my things again! " Rachael said loudly before Karen had a chance to speak.

"Settle down Rachael," Mom said, "Now tell me exactly what's happened."

Calmly, but unquestionably still agitated, Rachael proceeded to tell her mother why she was upset.  "Well you know that after my laundry is done I always put away my clothes.  Then I plan what I am going to wear each day for the next week.  I also arrange my underwear in my drawer in the order that I want to wear them each day, so they will match the outfit that I'm planning to wear.  I told you several weeks ago that someone has been going through my things because they keep rearranging things in my underwear drawer.  Well today's underwear is missing, the pink vest with the red bow and the pink nylon panties with the lace across the back and around the legs."

"And you think I took them?" Karen jumped in "I wouldn't be caught dead in pink underwear, especially panties with lace.  Besides nothing of yours would fit me."

"Rachael, your sister is right you know.  Your clothes simply would not fit her," Mom said.

"Mom, I know she isn't wearing them.  She's just moving things around to make me mad."

"Oh sweetheart, I really don't think your sister would be rearranging the underwear in your drawer just to make you angry," Mom answered.

"Well then, who else would be playing with my underwear?" asked Rachael, not realizing the implication of her choice of words.

"I don't know dear, but there must be another answer.  In the meantime, just move your schedule up a day and get dressed.  Oh and Rachael, another thing, don't scream like that unless you are seriously hurt.  You had the whole family thinking you were about die or something," Mom said as she gave Rachael a kiss on her forehead, and then turned to leave.  She paused for just a Moment as if thinking about something and then continued out.

"Rachael, you are just too strange.  Nobody that I know of, other than you, plans what she is going to wear a week in advance, especially not her underwear.  You really need to learn to relax and enjoy life a little more.  After all you're only eight," Karen admonish her younger sister, closing the door as she left.

"Eight and a half!"  Rachael called out as the door closed.

Edith went back to fixing breakfast while thinking about what had gone on with the girls.  She had a suspicion that she knew who might be "playing" with Rachael's clothes, but needed more evidence

After David had gone to work and the kids left for school, Edith spent some time looking for Rachael's missing underwear.  She could not find it anywhere in the house.  She went through the laundry hamper in the kid's bathroom but didn't find the missing items.  She left everything there and would check this evening after the boys had their showers.  With four kids plus her and David there was no way there would be enough hot water for them to all take baths in the morning or evening.  Therefore, she and the girls would bathe in the morning and David and the boys would bathe in the evening.  She went through the laundry hamper waiting to go into the washer.  Then she searched the girls' room.  Lastly, she went into the boys room but still had no luck in finding the missing underwear.  She did find one odd thing.  In the back of Matt's sock drawer, she found one of Rachael's anklets (you know the kind that you fold down and has lace around the ankle).   She was going to dismiss it as having been mixed in with Matt's white socks, but then she noticed that the bottom of the sock was just a little dirty, as if someone had been wearing them on the carpet without shoes on.

That evening after the kids were in bed she checked the laundry hamper in their bathroom again.  She smiled to herself as she found the missing underwear buried half way down.  She now knew who was getting into Rachael's clothes.  The only problem was how to go about proving it without involving anyone else or embarrassing anyone.

The next day as Rachael was getting dress there was a knock on her door.

"Who's there" she called out.

"It's Mother Sweetheart.  May I come in and talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Mom, come on in,"

"Rachael, I have a favor to ask.  Now I know that this is going to sound strange, but please just do as I ask."

"Sure, Mom.  You know I would do anything for you.  What is it?"

"Sweetheart, I know that you arrange your underwear in the order you plan to wear them, but could you leave the frilliest things you have, on top?" Edith asked.

"Well sure< I guess so.  Are you talking about the matching pink vest and panties, the ones with all the lacey ruffles on them?"

"That's the ones.  Just get out what you're going to wear each day and put them back on top.  Also, don't say anything to anyone about this, not even Karen.  Can you do that for me Sweetheart."

"I guess so, Mom.  What's this all about?" Rachael asked.

"Well I think I know who has been moving your things around, but I'm not positive.  Just leave the frilly panties on top and quietly let me know when they disappear.  Okay, Sweetheart, and promise me that you won't talk to anyone this. "

"Sure, Mom.  No problem - I promise, I won't say a word."

Several weeks went by with no unusual commotion, and no reports of anything missing

"Mom it's been almost a month.  I am starting to feel silly leaving those frilly panties on the top of the stack in my drawer," Rachael whispered to her Mom one night while helping with the dishes.

"I know, but keep it up.  I thought things would be quiet for a while after the fuss you made yelling at Karen.  Just keep putting them on top.  I think I might know how to speed things up," Mom whispered back.

The next night while they were playing Monopoly together as a family, Edith thought it was time to try to flush out the "panty bandit."

"Matt - would you mind being left home alone for a few hours this Saturday?" she asked.

"Umm I guess not," I answered. "Uh, why"?

"Well you know that your Dad has to work Saturday, and Charles has baseball practice.  I thought that I would take Karen and Rachael to the Crossroads Plaza.  It's just a few blocks from where Charles's team practices.  I need to get Karen a few new things, as she is outgrowing a lot of her clothes," she answered.

"Umm, sure.  Three or four hours alone are no problem, Mom.  I am sure I'll have more fun watching TV than hanging around the mall while Karen tries on clothes.  She takes so long deciding what she wants.  Although Rachael takes twice as long," I added with a giggle.  I jumped back away from the table quickly after saying that, knowing that Rachael's hand would be heading in the direction of my ribs.  She missed and I giggled some more.

"Oh, you're such a tease!" Rachael said while pouting.

Saturday arrived and Dad left for work early.  Chuck's baseball practice was scheduled for 9:00am so Mom hurried everyone else out to the car at about 8:45.  I was left sitting happily in the family room watching Saturday morning cartoons.  After dropping Chuck off, Mom headed back home instead of going to the mall.

"Where are we going Mom?  The mall is the other way." Karen said.

"Oh we're going home for a minute.  I, umm, forgot something," was her only reply.

As they approached their house, Edith parked the car two houses away and got out.  "You two stay here and behave yourselves.  I will be back in just a couple of minutes, okay?" she said as she got out and walked to their house.

"Why did Mom park here instead of in the driveway?" Karen asked Rachael with a very puzzled look on her face.

"I don't know," Rachael replied as she shrugged her shoulders, but she was thinking to herself.  ‘I wonder if this has anything to do with my underwear.'

Edith reached the house and very gently opened the storm door, unlocked the house door and slowly pushed it open.  Stepping inside, she gently closed both doors without making a sound.  She then reached down and slipped off her shoes so she could move around the house quietly.  As she slowly made her way toward the family room, she could hear that the TV was still on.  Upon arriving, she could see that Matt was not there.  The bathroom door was open and the light was off so she knew he wasn't in there.  As she went down the hall towards the kid's bedrooms she noticed that the boys' bedroom door was standing wide open and its light was also off, but that the girls' bedroom door was closed.  As she moved closer, she could here someone moving about in the girls' room.  She quietly turned the doorknob, pushed the door open just a crack, and peeked in.  She smiled when she saw that it was indeed Matt that was in the girl's room.  She gently pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

I froze suddenly, gripped by terror when I noticed that the bedroom door was open and Mom was standing there looking at me.  It seemed like hours before she spoke, although it was probably only a few seconds.  "Hello Matt, or should I call you Matilda?" she finally said with a smile.

I still hadn't moved since seeing her.  My arms were out and all my weight was on my left leg while my right leg was sticking out behind me.  As I had been spinning around, I was frozen in mid-spin. 

"Well aren't you going to say hello?" Mom asked.

I closed my mouth, which had dropped open about twelve inches, and was barely able to squeak out a faint high-pitched "HI."

"Well let's see what we have here.  Your sister's' pink ruffled party dress.  The band at the bottom of the puff sleeves seem to be a bit tight on your arms.  The waist seems to be the right size, and the length is just about right.  I see you had trouble with the zipper, being that it's not all the way up," she said as came over and finished zipping it up, noticing the pink lace vest underneath.  She then lifted the ruffled hem of the dress to confirm her suspicions.  "The pink lace vest and ruffled panties, too, I see," she added.  She was a little surprised at how well they fit though.  Then she went over, sat down on Rachael's bed, and patted the bed next to her.

Slowly, I started to come back to life as I came to realize that Mom wasn't yelling at me.  I lowered my foot and both arms and turned to face Mom.  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't look at her, so I just looked at the lacy anklets on my feet as I tried to force them to move.  It seemed to take an hour to get my feet to take the three steps to get me to the bed.  I slowly turned and sat down.  Without thinking about what I was doing; I smoothed the back of the dress against my bottom with my hands as I sat.

Edith was surprised as she watched her son smooth the back of the skirt under his bottom as he sat down.

"I see you have been dressing for some time," she commented.  "Most boys would have just plopped down."

I just sputtered and stammered, not being able to make any coherent words come out of my mouth.

"Well, you have fun dear," Mom said as she patted my knee.  "We should be home about 12:30.  Be sure that you have everything put away before we get home, and we'll talk about this later."  She then leaned over and kissed me on the top of my head, got up and left, closing the bedroom door as she went.

I sat there for what seemed like days before I got up and got undressed.  I wished that Mom had not finished zipping up the zipper; it took forever to get it down so I could take off the dress.  I was sad as I removed the dress and carefully hung it up, then folded the vest and panties and putting them back in their drawer.  I then got dressed in my clothes.

I went into the family room, turned off the TV and then went into my room where I lay down on my bed and started to cry.  I knew I was a dead man (or rather a dead boy).  Mom would tell Dad, the girls and Chuck.  They would tell their friends, and soon everyone at school would know about me dressing in girl's clothes.  ‘OH NO' I thought.  ‘What is going to happen to me once BLACK BART finds out?'  I was shaking with terror as I cried.  I don't know how long I cried, but my pillow was soaked before I finally fell asleep.

"So Mom, what did you forget and why did we park here instead of in the driveway?" Karen asked, when Edith got back to the car.

"Oh I just needed Matt's measurements.  I need to get a few things for him while we are out."

"Why didn't you just bring him along?" Rachael wanted to know.

"Not this time dear.  Maybe another time" Edith said.  As she looked at Rachael in the back seat through the rear view mirror, she winked and Rachael winked back.  She finally realized what Mom was doing and who had been playing in her underwear drawer.  She also remembered that she had promised her Mom not to talk about it with anyone, so she just sat in the back seat and smiled. 

After they were done shopping, they stopped back at the ball diamond to pick up Chuck.  "So how did practice go?" Edith asked Chuck

"Just great Mom, I knocked the ball over the back fence twice and right next to the fence two more times.  The team we play next Wednesday night isn't going to know what hit them," he beamed.

"That's terrific!  Your father is going to be so proud of you.  I know he's trying to juggle his schedule so he can be at Wednesday night's game," Mom said.

"So what all did you guys get at the mall?" Chuck asked the girls.

"Never mind Charles.  Just girl's things," Mom cut in before either of the girls could answer.

"OK! OK! I don't need to know the details."

When they got home and Edith had parked the car, she turned to the kids as they were getting out and said, "Wait just a minute, please.  I need to check on something in the house before you come in.  Please wait here until I come back out."

She quickly and quietly went in the house looking for Matt.  She found that he was on his bed asleep.  From his tear-streaked face, she knew that he had cried himself to sleep.  Her heart broke as she realized the pain she had caused her small son; that had not been her intention.  She also noticed that he was still wearing his sister's lace anklets.  She quickly got a blanket out of the linen closet and covered him with it, hiding the anklets.  She left the room pulling the door closed as she went.  Then she went to the car to retrieve the others.

"What's up with Mom?" Chuck asked the girls as Edith went into the house.

"I don't know.  She has been acting funny all day," Karen said, and then related the strange chain of events that took place between the time they had dropped him off at the ball diamond and when they picked him up.

Rachael said nothing, as she was bound by her promise to her Mother, and she never broke a promise.

Edith arrived back at the car a few moments later "All right now, let's get this car unloaded.  Oh Charles, Matt is asleep in his bed.  Please don't go in your room right now." She said.

"But Mom, I need to put away my gear and change out of my uniform." Chuck protested.

"I will get you some other clothes and you can change in the bathroom." She said.

"Oh Mom!  Sharing a room with Matt is getting to be more and more a pain in the butt every day.  I sure wish I had my own room," Chuck grumbled as he was going to the house.

Later when they were alone, Rachael whispered to her Mom, "It's Matt, isn't it."

Edith nodded and whispered back "Just remember your promise.  No one can know about this."

"I remember, Mom.  I won't tell a soul," Rachael replied.

Sometime later, I finally woke up; I'm not sure how long I had been sleeping.  I rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom.  I didn't notice the extra blanket or the fact that I had left the bedroom door open and it was now closed. I also failed to notice that I was still wearing Rachael's lace anklets.  My mind was too preoccupied, I was thinking about Mom catching me wearing Rachael's clothes and was wondering what my future would bring.  That's IF I was going to have a future.

Edith had arranged for Chuck and the girls to spend the rest of the day with friends, as she wanted to have an uninterrupted visit with Matt when he woke up.  She moved her favorite chair around so she could read and have an unobstructed view of the hallway leading to the boy's bedroom.  A while later she heard the boy's door open and looked up to see Matt blindly stagger across the hall and into the bathroom.  She marked her place, closed her book and waited for Matt to reemerge.

I was going to go back to my bed to contemplate the various meanings of "Dead Meat" and how they would apply to me when my Dad got home or what would happen when Black Bart found out about . . .

"Hello sleepy head," Mom called out, shattering the silence.

I was so startled by this that I stumbled and had to grab the nearest doorframe to keep from falling down.

"Matt, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to startle you like that," Mom said as she rushed to my side.  "I thought that we could have our little talk now.  But you might want to change your socks before anyone else comes home."

It was then that I noticed I was still wearing the lace anklets.  I thought I couldn't cry any more, but was proven wrong as everything came back to me.  I slumped to the floor and started crying again.  Mom knelt down next to me and started talking to me.  I know that words were coming out of her mouth, but I didn't hear anything except my own sobbing.  Mom gently took Rachael's socks off my feet, folded them together and put them in the pocket of her dress.  She finally managed to get me to my feet and helped me into my bedroom.  She sat next to me on my bed, holding me close and slowly rocking back and forth.  I don't know how long we stayed like that.  Time has no meaning when one is facing extinction, as I thought I was.

After I'd been crying for a while and had started to calm down, I could hear my mother's sweet and gentle voice.  "Calm down, Matt.  It's okay.  No one is going to hurt you.  Hush now.  It's all right.  Everything is going to be all right."  After what seemed like an eternity I moved, but only my head as I slowly looked up into my mothers eyes.  Those beautiful blue eyes and the smile on her face helped me to slowly stop crying.

Mom reached into her pocket for the handkerchief, which she was never without.  However, the first things that came out of her pocket were Rachael's anklets.  When I saw them I started crying harder again.

"Now stop this," Mom said gently.  "We have to talk before the others get home, and we can't talk as long as you are crying."

Slowly I was beginning to realize just how much my mother loved me.  By the look on her face and the tone of her voice, and the urgency to talk before anyone else came home I came to the realization that maybe, just possibly my life was not about to come to an end.  I nodded, although still sniffling as Mom wiped my eyes with Rachael's sock.

"So tell me, Matt. How long have you been dressing?"  Mom asked.

I just looked at her with a puzzled expressing on my face.  "How, how long have I been (sniffle) been what?"  I finally said.

"Dressing!  That is, dressing as a girl in your sisters clothes."  She said.

"Ah."  I stammered

"Well how long?"  She asked again in a very gentle voice.

"Well - Um - I - Um - I guess (sniffle) - Ah - Since I was - Oh geese - I guess about two (sniffle, sniffle)   - Um no - Well about three (sniffle) three years - Um I guess."  I finally stammered out as I hung my head.  I couldn't bear to look at Mom.  I knew she would be disappointed in me.

Mom slowly lifted my chin so I would have to look into her eyes.  When I saw the love in her eyes and the smile on her face, I almost started crying again.

"Now, Now Matt, no more of that." she said gently with a smile.  "We aren't done yet.  Do you remember about a month ago when Rachael was upset with Karen for getting into her things?"

I slowly nodded.  "Do you know why Rachael was upset?"  Mom asked.

Again, I slowly nodded, not daring to open my mouth out of fear that I might start crying again.

"Matt, did you have Rachael's pink underwear on that morning?"  She asked bluntly.

I started to shake my head, but then changed and nodded.  I could never tell my mother a lie.  She somehow, seemed to know everything anyway.

"I borrowed them the (sniffle) the night before.  I was going to put them (sniffle, sniffle) back but I didn't have a chance.  Then after Rachael got so upset, and everything (sniffle) was so crazy I didn't even have a chance to change (sniffle, sniffle) change before school."  I blurted out so fast that I couldn't stop myself.

"You wore them to school that day?"  Mom asked.  I could tell that she wasn't shocked.  All I could do was nod.

"You must have been really scared, afraid of being caught."  Mom said, holding me close so I wouldn't start crying again.  Then she continued, "Wait a second.  Isn't that the day that you had that big math test, the one that you did so poorly on and couldn't tell me why?"  I slowly nodded and she said.  "Well as least now we know why you did so poorly on that test when you usually do a lot better."

"Matt can you tell me why you have been dressing in your sisters clothes?" she asked and patiently waited for me to answer.

After what seemed like hours I finally opened my mouth "Well I'm not real sure (sniffle).  I just know that I like them better (sniffle, sniffle) than my clothes.  I feel better when I'm, . . . (sniffle, sniffle) when I'm wearing them.  It's as if those are the clothes (sniffle) that I am supposed to be wearing.  I don't know why I, umm, it just feels right somehow (sniffle, sniffle).  Like umm.  Oh, I don't know, just right somehow."  I knew I wasn't making any sense.  How could I tell Mom how I felt when I didn't know how I felt?  I just knew that it was somehow right for me to be in girls' clothes and wrong to be in boys' clothes.

Mom thought about what I had said for a while.  "Well we need to talk more about this but right now, you had better go and wash your face and I need to start dinner.  Your Dad will be home soon and we don't want him to see that you've been crying all afternoon, do we?" she said with a smile.  "We'll keep this just between us for now, OK?"

I looked into the soft blue eyes and knew that she wasn't going to tell Dad or anyone else.  As I realized that I wasn't going to die today, I gave Mom a hug.  Later as I went through the family room into the kitchen, I noticed in Mom's chair the book she had been reading "Psychology . . . something or other" 

A few weeks later, I learned that my mother had been studying, for a Doctorate Degree in Child Psychology, before she met Dad and got married.

I was helping Mom with dinner when the girls got home.  I tried to avoid looking at them, thinking that they might know my secret.  Just then, Rachael rushed up to me and gave me a big hug and a kiss on my cheek.  She didn't say anything.  Mom just looked at her and smiled.  Then she went off to her room.

"Now what was that all about?"  I whispered to Mom.

"She knows, Dear," Mom whispered back.  Seeing the scared look on my face, she continued.  "Don't worry dear.  She has promised to never talk about it with anyone, and you know how Rachael feels about keeping a promise."

The evening went smoothly, there was the normal "yuck" about having too many veggies from Chuck, "mind your manners" from Dad, and "how was your day?" and so on.  Dinner was almost over when Mom, out of the blue started talking to Dad saying, "Dear, you know with all of Charles's sports equipment, and uniforms and the fact that he will be fourteen in a couple of months.  I was thinking that he really needs his own room."

Chuck stopped in mid-chew, as he started to pay very close attention to the conversation, something he never did.

"What?"  Dad sputtered, almost losing what was in his mouth.

"Well, with all of his things, and his desk in that small room, there isn't any room for Matt," she said before Dad could continue.

"What are you saying?  That we need to buy a new house?"  Dad finally got out.

"No, of course not.  What I was thinking is that we could finish off part of the basement as a bedroom for Charles.  Then he would have the space he needs for his sports equipment, someplace to do his homework, and the privacy that a teenage boy wants."

"For a minute there I was thinking you wanted a new five bedroom house," Dad said jokingly

"Well, you never know what Karen might need in a few years," Mom replied grinning like the Cheshire cat from "Alice in Wonderland."  With the expression on her face, everybody knew that she was teasing Dad.

"Ok, Ok, What did you have in mind?"  Dad asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

"Well like I said, there is that room in the basement that we started a while ago.  The wall studs are already up, so all we would need is to add a closet and put up some drywall and some paint."  Mom was well into planning the next couple of weekends for Dad, and he knew he was going to have to juggle his work schedule again.

Later that night, I quietly went to Mom to ask her a question.  "Mom - Um - all this about moving Chuck into his own room, ... Is that really for him, or are you doing it for me?" I whispered into her ear.

Her only reply was a smile that would melt your heart, and tell you how much a mother loves her child.

Three weeks later, all of Chuck's things were moved into his new room in the basement.  Mom, Dad, and Chuck had done a great job of finishing it, and in record time.  Chuck had almost twice as much space as he'd had before and he was delighted to have his own room.  Through it all, I knew that it also meant that I would get to have my own room, and the privacy that I needed.

*** To be continued ***