Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.
BATHGIRL!
By Mr. Ram
Chad Conklin and his nephew, 14 year-old Dick Batson
were hiking in the mountains above the Egyptian port
city of Hurghada, on the Red Sea. They were engaged in
a little amateur archeology.
Officially, they were in Egypt to buy henna for Batson
Bath and Hair Products. In reality, they were taking a
much needed break, after the tragic deaths of Chad's
sister, Cathy and his brother-in-law, Doug Batson,
Dick's mother and father.
Cathy and Doug had died when Clayface knocked a
gargoyle loose from a building, while trying to kill
Batman. Batman had dodged the heavy granite statue
easily. Unfortunately, the statue landed on Doug and
Cathy's limousine, killing them and their chauffeur
instantly.
As Doug and Cathy's only living relatives, Chad and
Dick inherited Batson Bath and Hair Products. Chad, as
Dick's guardian, was to run the company until Dick
turned 21 and gained control over his half of their
inheritance.
Chad was Dick's favorite uncle, which was a no brainer
as he was his only uncle. However, the boy genuinely
looked up to and loved his uncle Chad. Chad had
retired from 21 years in the Navy to look after his
nephew and run the family business. He had been a Navy
Seal, worked his way up through the ranks and retired
as a Commander in special operations. He was a black
belt in seven different martial arts and an
accomplished swordsman. Though married and divorced,
twice, Chad didn't have children of his own. Chad was
something of a neat freak, a personality trait that
doomed his two marriages and put a strain on his
relationship with his nephew. This was tempered by
Dick's keen sense of humor and his ability to see
something funny in almost any circumstance.
They made quite a pair; Chad was tall and thin, about
six feet, and 175 pounds, where Dick was short and
stocky, five foot six and weighed about the same as
his uncle. Dick was a champion wrestler, in his weight
class, at John Wilkes Booth Junior High School. He
also played on the football team.
Chad had Dick carrying all their gear, explaining that
if they ran into trouble, he needed to move fast and a
pack would only slow him down. Dick just shrugged his
shoulders at his uncle Chad's explanation, knowing
that the real reason was that Uncle Chad didn't want
to wrinkle his coat.
The two were following a narrow goat trail across a
cliff face, when the trail gave way. They slid down
the steep cliff until they were stopped by a
previously unseen ledge. The small rocks and dirt that
had made up the trail continued to rain down on them.
Fortunately, there was a cave in the cliff, in which
they were able to take refuge. After the dust cleared,
they had a look around the cave, it appeared that it
wasn't a cave at all! It seemed to be some kind of
shrine or temple. The walls were covered in ancient
Egyptian hieroglyphs, badly eroded by the elements.
Dick took a flashlight from his pack, and shining it
into the depths of the temple, he thought he saw a
glint of gold in the back.
"Hey, uncle Chad, is that a gold statue back there?"
Chad was cursing under his breath and brushing the
dust from his clothes with his hat; he hated dirt and
now he was covered with it. "Where?"
"Back there, c'mon, let's check it out!"
"Dick, come back, it might be dangerous!"
Dick was already on his way to the back of the ancient
temple, so Chad quickly ran after him. Just as he
caught up with Dick, the hieroglyphs on the walls
seemed to come into sharp focus, as years of erosion
faded in seconds. The dark temple lightened from some
unseen light source, there were no shadows.
What they had thought was a golden statue of a woman,
appeared to be a beautiful, live girl sitting on a
throne. She beckoned to them and started to speak in a
language unknown to either of them. Gradually,
as if they were tuning in to a radio station, they
found that they could understand her language
perfectly well.
"Can you hear me now?" she asked.
They nodded.
"Good!"
"Who are you?" asked Chad.
"I am the wife of Shazam, you are my first guests in
eons, welcome!"
"Captain Marvel's Shazam?" asked Dick, remembering the
legend.
"Who is Captain Marvel?" asked the girl. "Wait, don't
answer."
She closed her eyes for a minute, giggled and said,
"Oh, I see! That old dog, well, if he can make a
champion, then I can make two!"
She looked up at them, smiling warmly. "Yes, Captain
Marvel's Shazam is exactly right!"
"My condolences for the loss of your husband," said
Chad.
"What? Oh no! He's not dead, he just has a weakness
for the melodramatic. Thunderbolts? Crushed by falling
stones? That's funny! I'd have been much more subtle.
I'll tell you what, I can make the two of you
champions, you won't be able to fly, but you'll be
invulnerable, very strong and very quick, whenever you
take on the 'champion' persona. Do you agree?"
Chad and Dick thought that it would be great, being
super heroes, they both said yes.
"All right! All you have to do to change is say my
name, and poof, you're my Champions!"
Chad said, "Um, excuse me, but what IS your name?"
"I have many names, but Shazam calls me Shazampoo, so
that will do nicely."
"Sha..." Dick started to say.
The girl interrupted and said, "Oh! Don't say it now,
wait until you're home and settled, believe me, it
will be better that way. Bye now!"
She casually waved her arm, and the confused pair
found themselves in their hotel room in Cairo, with
all of their Hurghada hotel luggage around them.
Just after Chad and Dick disappeared, there was a clap
of thunder in the temple cave. An old man appeared out
of the dust. He said, "Shazampoo, I felt you on this
plane, what did you just do?"
"Shazam! How nice of you to stop by! Must you wear
that awful old man visage?"
The old man morphed into a handsome young man. "Is
this better?"
She said, "Much, thank you!" as she ran into his arms.
"What did you just do?" he repeated.
"I made myself some champions, just as you did with
Billy Batson, say, are they related?"
"Distantly. Why did you do that?"
"It looked like fun. If you can have a champion, I can
have two!"
"But that's not what I..."
"Let's not argue, I haven't seen you in ages."
She pulled at him, pushing a dainty foot against his
ankle, tripping him over on top of her. A pile of
pillows materialized beneath them, cushioning their
fall. The light in the temple dimmed and the happy
laughter of lovers was all that could be heard.
....
Chad and Dick were a little dazed at finding
themselves back in their Cairo hotel suite; the
memories of the temple cave quickly faded to a
vague dream. They packed to go home.
Home was a large suite of rooms at the Batson Bath and
Hair Products factory. Chad had enlarged an existing
apartment at the factory for them to live in, as
neither Chad nor Dick could bear to go back to the
old family home, the memories were too painful. After
moving all their luggage into the apartment they
showered and went to bed.
That night they both had strange dreams about meeting
a goddess in a cave. When they awoke, Chad only
vaguely remembered the dream. Dick, however,
remembered the dream vividly.
Dick was awakened by the sound of his uncle taking a
shower, Uncle Chad had a habit of singing when he
bathed. Dick yawned and crawled out of bed, still
thinking about the wild dream he'd had.
'What was that magic word?' he thought. 'Shazbot?' no,
that's not right. His attention was caught by the new
wrestling team uniform that was hanging on the back of
his closet door. Just before leaving on their trip,
the coach had handed out the uniforms, it was really
cool! The uniform was a single piece bright yellow
spandex number with the legs starting at just above
the knee, it had a kind of tank top, all in one piece!
There was a metallic sheen to it.
Still thinking about that word in his dream, Dick
decided to see how he looked in that uniform. The
magic word was driving him nuts.
'Now, what was it?' he thought.
'Shaboom?' no, Shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong? He laughed at
that one.
Dick had just finished pulling on the uniform when he
remembered the word.
"SHAZAMPOO!"
There was no thunderbolt, just a feeling, like when
you are on the verge of going to sleep, you feel like
you are falling, then you jerk awake to catch yourself.
Dick looked at himself in the mirror. He saw a fat
chick in a yellow spandex suit looking back at him.
Well, not exactly fat, stout would be a better word,
with large breasts. She was muscular and really packed
in that suit. She looked like she should be stacking
diesel blocks at the Skoda works, in the Czech
Republic. Her face was pretty, though; her wide mouth
had full lips, and her eyes were large and beautiful.
"I look like Daisy Duck, in this yellow suit!" Dick
exclaimed in a high, almost squeaky voice.
Dick heard a woman singing and then scream. He had an
idea of what had just happened, he ran to his uncle
Chad's bathroom.
'Uncle Chad looks Fuckin' gorgeous, his tits are
incredible!' thought Dick as he looked at the tall
bombshell in the shower cap.
She was holding a plastic bottle in her hand.
"Uncle Chad, calm down!"
Chad looked at Dick and screamed again.
"It's me, Duck, er Dick!" squeaked Dick.
Chad grew quiet, then said, "WH-WHAT'S HAPPENED TO
US?"
Chad's voice had a rich timbre to it, very
authoritative.
"It must be the goddess, in the temple, who we met in
Egypt."
"WHAT GODDESS, WHAT TEMPLE?"
"Do you have to do that with your voice?"
Chad cleared his throat and said, "Is this any
better?"
His voice, though melodious, sounded like a normal
woman's voice.
"Yeah, better," Dick squeaked. Then he continued,
"Don't you remember the ancient temple we found in
Egypt? The goddess who gave us the magic word?"
Chad thought a second and said, "Shazampoo?"
They each felt that falling feeling for an instant and
saw that they were themselves again.
Dick said, "I guess it doesn't matter who says it, we
both change at the same time! Uncle Chad, can I ask
you something?"
"Sure, Dick."
"Why are you wearing a shower cap?"
"My hair was just right, and I..., oh, never mind!" He
snatched the cap from his head and set the bottle down.
Later, after they had put some clothes on to stave off
the morning chill, they sat in the living room to
discuss what had happened to them.
"Why women?" asked Dick.
"I suppose it's because, as a woman, the goddess wants
female champions."
"That sucks, I thought we'd be more like Batman and
Robin. Instead we looked like BathGirl and Rubber
Ducky. Besides, you ended up tall and gorgeous, I was
fat and dumpy!"
"Hey, you were not dumpy!"
"So, you're saying I was fat then!"
"No, you weren't fat, Ahh c'mon, Dick, you sound like
my first wife, for cryin' out loud!"
"Sorry."
"No, you're not sorry, I can tell!"
"YES, I'm sorry, really."
"Okay!"
"But you did call me fat!"
"There, see? You're not sorry, and you weren't fat,
you were muscular as hell, though."
"Really?" asked Dick, his face brightening.
"Yeah, I think that our 'champion personas' are based
on our normal body type, I'm tall and thin and, well,
you're a wrestler!"
"That make's sense!"
"Do you want to check them out again?" asked Chad.
"Yeah, sure," Dick replied.
"Okay then, let me say it!"
"Go ahead!"
"SHAZAMPOO!"
They both felt that weird falling feeling. Suddenly,
Chad was sitting naked on the couch, holding a plastic
bottle of bubble bath and wearing a clear plastic
shower cap, Dick was back in his yellow spandex
wrestling suit.
"God, what Knockers!" squeaked Dick.
"YOURS-Ahem, yours aren't so bad, either," Chad said
as he set the plastic bottle down on the coffee table.
"Why are we back to what we were wearing this
morning?!"
"I guess the magic locked in on what we were wearing
when it was first invoked!"
"Then THESE are our superhero costumes? A wrestling
suit and a shower cap? That's sooo lame!"
"It looks that way," said Chad. "Though we can always
add to them."
"What's in the bottle?"
"I thought it was that new body wash that the company
just introduced." Chad picked it up and examined it.
"It appears to be a bottle of our best selling bubble
bath. Remind me to have the bottle design changed
for the body wash."
Chad suddenly turned her head and glared at a spot
under the dining room table.
"THERE'S SOME DIRT UNDER THAT TABLE THAT THE MAID
MISSED!"
"Where, I don't see any dirt."
"IT'S SPILLED CATSUP FROM A MONTH AGO!"
"I don't see anything! Oh, this is great, now you have
a super dirt sense."
"WE HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP!"
"Jeeze, Chad, reign it in!"
Chad looked back at Dick, she seemed to calm down.
"Sorry, I just had an almost overwhelming need to
clean up that spot!" She glanced one more time at the
almost invisible spot under the table.
In an effort to distract Chad from the dirt, Dick
asked her, "What's under that shower cap?"
Chad pulled the cap off of her head, and long wavy
blonde hair cascaded down past her shoulders. Dick
felt his own, not quite shoulder length, blonde hair
and sighed.
"Don't you feel just a little embarrassed, sitting
there totally naked?"
"No, actually, I don't, and another odd thing, I'm not
in the least bit chilled!"
Dick thought about it, and said, "You know, I'm not
cold, either. But I was a little chilly before we
changed, and I was wearing more clothes then! Let's
change back."
"OKAY, SHAZAMPOO!"
Again they felt that disconcerting feeling of missing
a step, and they were back to their normal selves.
"What will we do now, uncle Chad?"
"Well, we could go out on patrol tonight and see what
happens."
"What about names and costumes?"
"Considering what we look like, when we change, I
think 'BathGirl and Rubber Ducky' suits us just fine."
Dick rolled his eyes, and said, "Fine, whatever!"
Chad said, "You had better get ready for school, you
don't want to be late on your first day back! Besides,
I have some preparation to do, if we are going out
tonight."
That afternoon, Dick returned home from school and
found his uncle pulling away from a loading bay in a
large unmarked delivery truck. Chad pulled into a
parking space and got out, a smile on his face.
"There, everything's ready!"
"What's in the truck, uncle Chad?"
"Everything we need to clean up this town!"
"And what would that be?"
"You know, bathtubs, water, heaters for the hot water,
soap, cleaning supplies..."
"What are you thinking? How are we going to fight
crime with that stuff?"
"I don't know. All I know is that it just felt right
as I was getting it all together. We will have to wait
and see."
"I don't know about this," muttered Dick.
That evening, as the hour got late, the two were
excited about their upcoming 'patrol'.
"So, what's your costume, uncle Chad, I know what mine
is."
"I think it's time we got started, so I'll show you."
Chad stepped into his bedroom, and said, "SHAZAMPOO!"
Dick felt the change and looked down at himself. He
thought that the Spandex really accentuated his
cleavage.
After a few moments, Chad stepped into the living room.
He was naked except for the shower cap, a large fluffy
towel worn like a cape, a belt with every product that
Batson Bath and Hair Products made, and then some,
attached to it. And finally, he was wearing what
appeared to be high heeled shower shoes. He tossed the
bottle of bubble bath to Dick.
"Take this, we may need it."
"What's with the shoes, Chad?"
"Aren't they something? When I saw them, I just HAD to
have them, and they make my butt look great! OKAY, TO
THE BATHMOBILE!"
"Bathmobile, Chad?"
"SURE, RUBBER DUCKY, WHY NOT? AND CALL ME BATHGIRL!"
"All right, BathGirl, let's go!" Rubber Ducky grinned.
They ran to the truck, and with BATHGIRL driving, they
went to town on their first mission.
On their way into town, BathGirl found that with the
shower cap pulled over her eyes, she could see better
in the dark. She left it there, thinking that it made
a good disguise in case her BathGirl persona wanted to
go undercover, no one would recognize her as BathGirl.
As they neared the Gotham City Museum, BathGirl pulled
the Bathmobile to the curb.
"THERE'S SOMETHING VERY DIRTY HERE, RUBBER DUCKY, FILL
A TUB WITH BUBBLEBATH!"
With that, she jumped from the truck and dashed to the
mouth of the alley that ran alongside the museum.
Rubber Ducky ran around to the back of the truck,
opened the door and climbed in. She grabbed a cast-
iron claw foot bathtub, picked it up like it weighed
nothing and set it on the lift gate. As she began to
fill it from the water heater, she remembered, "Bubble
bath!" Seeing none in the back of the truck, she
remembered the bottle that BathGirl had tossed her
earlier. She ran back to the truck's cab and retrieved
the bottle. After she squirted a healthy dose of the
soap into the tub, she smiled as the thick scented
bubbles started forming.
----
The cat burglar slid noiselessly through the
ventilation ducts of the Gotham City Museum, the gaudy
crown jewels of Vulgaria safely tucked into a bag
attached to his belt. He stifled a sneeze when the
dust in the duct fell softly over him as it was
disturbed by his stealthy passage. Quietly opening a
steel grill in the outside wall of the museum, he
tossed one end of a rope to the dark alley below and
slid down it silently.
As his feet touched the trash filled alley, he sneezed
and looked down at himself, he was covered in dust and
cobwebs. Something hit him hard in the side of his
head, it looked like a wooden handled scrubbing brush.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, FILTHY CRIMINAL!", a woman's voice
called out.
The cat burglar looked up, slightly dazed. In the
glare of the street light at the end of the alley was
a tall shapely woman wearing nothing but a large
fluffy towel, tied at her neck like a cape, a clear
plastic shower cap, pulled over her eyes, a pair of
high heeled shower shoes and a belt with a dizzying
array of bath products hanging from it, her breasts
were magnificent!
He knew that the only way out of the alley was past
the naked woman, he made a run for it, sure that the
crazy broad would be little or no trouble.
As he approached her at a dead run, she calmly removed
her towel and twirled it until it was a thick rope,
tapering to a point at one end. She continued to twirl
it as her eyes narrowed, she seemed to be judging the
rapidly closing distance between them. Then, at the
last second, her arm shot out and back, lightning
quick.
The towel sounded like a rifle shot as it's end caught
the fleeing cat burglar right in the nuts, He crumpled
into a quivering heap, clutching his jewels,
forgetting all about the ones he had just pilfered.
She shook out the towel and tied it back around her
neck, grabbed the cat burglar by the collar and
dragged him down the sidewalk to a large truck with a
claw foot bathtub on it's lift gate. She lowered the
lift to the street and slung him into the tub, it was
full of pleasantly hot water and piles of bubbles
The curtain of pain parted enough for him to ask, "Wh-
who are you? Wh-What are you gonna do?"
"I'm BATHGIRL"
Her voice had a heroic quality to it.
"I'M GOING TO CLEAN UP THIS TOWN."
The hot, scented, water and bubbles, made the cat
burglar very sleepy, he relaxed and closed his eyes.
Minutes later, the police arrived and found a claw
foot bath tub alongside the curb, with the sleeping
cat burglar and his swag immersed in a steaming bubble
bath.
The burly police sergeant removed his hat, scratched
his balding head and said, "Oh gawd, it looks like we
have another superhero in town! Take sleeping beauty
here in and cordon off the area!"
----
The paddy wagon beeped annoyingly as it backed up to
the garage entrance of the city jail. Two bored
policemen got out and opened the rear doors, they were
surprised to see a soaking wet woman in tight black
clothes sleeping peacefully on the floor.
The larger one tipped his hat back and said, "I coulda
sworn we put a guy back here."
"Yeah, I'd have noticed a hot tomato like that, even
covered with suds like she was. She was definitely a
dude when we put her back here." said the other cop.
"We better put it in the report, Sarge said this has
somthin' to do with a new superhero in town."
"Ah fer Christ's sake, not another one! Our job is
hard enough WITHOUT cleanin' up after those costumed
clowns."
"Hey your preachin' to the choir here."
"Yeah, yeah, let's just get her inside and booked."
~fin?~