As I slowly trotted upstairs, I laid out plans on how I would wake her, and all that I would do to her.  Opening the door to our bedroom, I saw her laying there sleeping peacefully in the dimly lit room.  As I walked to her side of the bed, anticipation grew, and so did my erection once again.  Putting my hand on her shoulder, I brushed her hair over her shoulder, waking her ever so gently.  Seeing my chance, I slowly kissed her neck.  Arching her back in pleasure, she knew my intentions.  She smiled a bit and said in a sleepy voice, “I’m sorry honey, you’re too late.  Get some sleep.  I love you.”  Disappointed and a little frustrated that I missed my chance because I worked so late, I turned to go to the bathroom to get ready for bed.  It was then that I saw one of her vibrators laying on her nightstand; and I realized I was too late because she had already tended to herself while I was hard at work.  I became furious and began to fall apart.

Looking back, its amazing how one simple thing could totally set you off.   Retreating through the bathroom and into our closet, I closed the door and sat down and cried.  The feeling of rejection set in.  How selfish could she be?  She knew all I wanted to do was be with her, and instead of coming down to me to save me from my work, she lay in bed and masturbated?  Did she prefer to cater to her own needs because she didn’t desire me?  Tears began to roll down my face.  I had hit rock bottom and didn’t know how to change.  I hated my life and I didn’t want to live it anymore.

Looking up, I glanced at Meghan’s side of the closet with all of her pretty clothes and shoes lined up and organized perfectly, the polar opposite of my side of the closet.  Memories of her wearing some of those clothes fueled my envy of her.  In those memories, she was smiling.  She was happy.  She was desired.  I wanted to be smiling.  I wanted to be happy.  I WANTED TO BE DESIRED.  I WANTED TO BE HER. I DESERVED TO BE HER.  I NEEDED TO BE HER.

And with that thought, my guilty realization I had been trying to keep buried erupted inside of me like a volcano.  My heart raced as my mind fantasized about being her and living her pampered life.  I knew I would not be satisfied until this happened.  I had to fulfill this, my darkest desire.

My emotions overwhelmed me, and a sharp pain shot right behind my eyes in all the stress and anxiety.  It seemed that the lights went out, but I was unsure as the intense pain in my head mounted.  Suddenly through the darkness came a bright light and it consumed me.  Its warmth filled me and I felt peace.